As a Life Coach, one of my most popular courses is working with clients who are just feeling a little… unconfident. Like they’ve lost their mojo. Like they’ve lost sight of themselves. Losing self confidence actually isn’t all that uncommon, and it can feel really alienating when it does happen. So let’s look at what it is, why we can lose it and how to get it back. May be doing myself out of business here, but these times mean you sometimes have to give out some advice.
So what even is self-confidence? Self Confidence is defined in the dictionary as the belief or feeling you can achieve your goal or task no matter the situation, the pressure or the adversity you face. And naturally, this can be something that gets shaken up when you’ve hit a few stumbling points in your developmental journey.
So often by the time we get to adulthood, our confidence and self-esteem have been shaken, and we are led into a mentality where we believe ‘that’s it’. You just have to kinda settle into that you aren’t confident and your comfort zone becomes a kind of cage where aspirations and adventure cant ‘fly free’. But this simply isn’t true.
You have overcome so much in your life, situations that were hard and difficult, maybe they felt never-ending. Yet here you are. You conquered them! You deserve the life you want, to lead it to how you want. You deserve confidence.
Why? Because confidence is crucial for living an authentic and happy life. It allows you to not only express yourself but to do so without fear and anxiety looming in the background. Confidence gives us the ability to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ without any guilt or fear of disappointing the other person.
So I’m going to share my three biggest tips to improve your self-confidence as an adult.
We can all agree that there is no such thing as being perfect, in anything, ever. Attempts at trying to be will just leave you depressed, and feeling unworthy. Want more reading on this? Check it out here.
If you want to master a topic or activity, you practice. You pour hundreds or sometimes thousands of hours into what you are doing, You do research, you refine your method, you team up with a professional and coach.
Confidence is no different.
Do you want to master the art of confidence? Practice being confident. Start small and change little habits about how you are in the world. What would a confident version of you do in the morning? How would they feel about the meeting coming up? Practice will also help you build resilience against thoughts and feelings activated by fear and anxiety.
Like any muscle, the more you work on it the longer, faster and easier it will be to push yourself out of that comfort zone and into living a life filled with opportunities and happiness. So ask yourself – What area do you want to be more confident in? Once you have an answer, look for opportunities to practice it. You got this!
Tip 2: Become the master your inner voice
Taking control of your inner voice means you can stay calm and consciously decide to correct the negative self-talk as and when it rears its head. It means you can actively break the damaging habit of replaying perceived mistakes and ‘should haves’ or self-destructive behaviour.
You deserve to be cheered on because enough people are saying we can’t do it. Enough people that fill us with their worries and concerns. We don’t need to add fuel to that fire. It is widely accepted that thoughts influence actions. If we think we are the type of person that ‘never gets what they want’ then we will be.
There will be times where you will wobble in various areas of your life, change creates new circumstances which require you to adapt and correct your footing. Sometimes you are gonna fall, failure is gonna happen. That’s OK! Instead of avoiding failure, and change – try loving it. Try loving the process of learning a lesson, or applying your new-found knowledge. Love yourself, for who you were and who you are becoming. It’s a process and progress isn’t linear, and if you get stuck, reach out!
Tip 3: Let go of the past.
I’m not saying forget it, forgetting your past invalidates your experiences and the lessons you went through. That’s not what I’m about. What I am suggesting is letting go of the negative emotions tied to events and people in your past. Emotions are a lens in which you see the world but you are the one in control. That shame, disappointment, anger and regret aren’t serving you on your journey to living your best and happiest life. They are pecking away at any confidence you have, because they are there to keep you safe in a small life.
Working through these emotions is gonna be hard, but it’s a fundamental step into becoming a more confident person. I would recommend starting with why. You should be asking yourself why you feel what you feel until you hit insecurity or a belief that isn’t working for you. Address the core issue and continue to dig deep and explore yourself, you will find yourself so much lighter as you leave emotional weights behind.
You deserve to life your one and only life confidently and unapologetically. You deserve to reach for every opportunity you desire. You deserve to be happy.
And if you need a little more help on the way… that’s where I can come in.